When an anxious person is trying to find a therapist, anxiety often gets in the way
I want to preface this post by saying that, as a therapist who specializes in anxiety and OCD, I myself have experienced every single one of these anxiety tactics. I share these insights with a tongue-in-cheek tone, and I also know how very real and impairing these experiences can be. You are not alone if you find yourself doing one or all of these things.
Anxiety Edition: How to find a therapist
1- Avoidance– don’t do it because it is too hard and you will never find the right one
2- Mental Compulsions– ruminate on whether or not you really need therapy, whether or not therapy can help you, consider the Greek origins of the word therapy, and pray about it
3- Compulsive behaviors– schedule multiple consultation calls with a variety of therapists, sign up for all the newsletters and free downloads
4- Reassurance seeking– Google forever, ask everyone about all the therapists they have ever seen or known, get a PhD so you can properly assess the research that demonstrates a therapy’s effectiveness
Anxiety Masquerades as conscientiousness, thoroughness, and wisdom
Well, how did those resonate with you?
Here’s the thing: anxiety is a natural and important tool that was designed to help us. It becomes problematic when it starts to treat everyday life necessities, which are otherwise neutral, as signs of potential danger or threat. It can masquerade as conscientiousness, thoroughness, and wisdom, leading us to deliberate for weeks or months over exactly what kind of therapy we need or exactly who is the right therapist for us. Now being on the other side (mostly) of anxiety’s tactics, I can see how this prolongs suffering and delays therapy.
It is anxious perfectionism combined with compulsive reassurance seeking and information seeking. Other words I would use to describe this are procrastination and avoidance. If you are stuck in the “how to choose a therapist” headspace, you might be experiencing anxious avoidance or procrastination.
Why would someone who wants therapy procrastinate and avoid therapy?
Good question!
The reasons I typically see for this are:
- A person wants to be 100% sure they are doing the right thing. The problem with this is there is very little in life we can be 100% certain about.
- They intellectually know that therapy could help them, but their anxiety is trying to eliminate risk and uncertainty. Trying something new is full of risk and uncertainty.
- A person can feel ashamed or embarrassed by their thoughts and feelings. They might fear how the therapist will respond, and maybe even confirm that they are “crazy.”
- They understand the work and committment ahead of them and don’t feel ready. It is no small thing for a person to make changes to how they live.
The good news is that you can overcome this perfectionism, procrastination, and avoidance. Anxiety doesn’t have to be the boss of you. The process of choosing a therapist and starting therapy doesn’t have to take months or years.
Try Therapy Online or In-Person
Don’t delay in your phase of “how to choose a therapist.” Evercare Counseling offers evidence-based counseling services to help you make desired changes to your mental health. Services include anxiety therapy, ERP therapy, OCD treatment, therapy for women, and Christian counseling. Online therapy is provided throughout Virginia, North Carolina, and Florida. We also see clients in person at our office in Clemmons, North Carolina. For more about us, check out our FAQs and blog!